I mean it's not like I spend all my time looking for guys as I have hobbies to help keep me occupied but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to have a special guy in my life and I guess when my brother contacted me this weekend about his engagement, it just got to me even more even though I'm happy for the both of them. I won't lie that totally scarred me for awhile when it happened. I've only tried dating one guy who seemed interested back in 2014 but he ended up going for a girl he had his eye on instead (He was bisexual). I'm going to be 30 in 2 years and never had a relationship before. I'm just wondering if I should even bother trying to look for guys anymore. Which I won't lie, kinda bummed me out because I kind of felt that maybe my dating life would change if I was a transwoman since I noticed there were more men coming out who said like transwomen and I mean, it makes sense. For awhile, I thought I may be transgender because of the way I think and how I like to express myself so I saw a Gender therapist back in summer of 2017 and according to the therapist, she said that I didn't sound transgender to her. It probably doesn't help that I'm not attracted to other feminine guys (well guys more feminine than I am). But for me as a feminine guy, it's been the opposite where my dating life was/is non-existent. My brother has always been a more naturally masculine guy and dating for him was never that much of an issue. He shared that he just got engaged with his boyfirned whom he's been with for about 2 years now and while I was very happy to hear the news, it just made me feel even more crappy about myself. Recently I just heard from my brother who is also gay and how he's doing.
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I'm fully aware that at least 98-99% of gay guys are mainly attracted to Masculine or Regular guys over feminine guys (I've seen the chart lol), I'm slowly making peace with that fact but I still can't help but feel a bit down.